Friday, January 04, 2013

Jobs for scholars

Someone suggested that I should capitalize on my coming fame as the author of The Book of Job: A Biography to plan one of those cruise-with-professors gigs advertised in Ivy League alumni magazines. He was thinking of those places in eastern Turkey, Jordan and Oman that claim to be where Job lived, Job's well in Jerusalem, etc.. Not close enough to water, I said, it won't work. But then I got to thinking. How about this - it even provides jobs for several scholars:

Bring your family for a special vacation on the cruise ship Amadeo! Feasting every day, until the day the ship sinks, leaving only you, rescued on a garbage barge. You may bring your spouse, though s/he may not want to join you. Skin rashes guaranteed, authentic potsherds provided. (Optional: dung; boils; worms; musicians.) Three professors arrive and tell you with great erudition and eloquence about Job and why you're not in his league. (Optional: a fourth scholar, a recent PhD, will fill you in on Job and the digital humanities.) When you've had enough, use the safe words "I don't deserve this!" and a storm will drown them out with son et lumière. (Optional: multimedia show; petting zoo; Sea World.) Once you repent of having presumed to holiday on the Job, all is restored. (Optional: get a whole new family, not the old one.)

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