P and D, two very dear friends of mine, are getting married today! Well, technically, they're married already - the deed was done in the Chateau Frontenac in Quebec a few weeks ago. Today is just the Blessing of their Union. But since they are both churchgoers the religious ceremony is no afterthought."Churchgoers" may be the understatement of the century. P is an Episcopal priest, and in that priestly way he's been marrying people for years... (He celebrated the 40th anniversary of his ordination last year.) But now, finally, he gets to get married.
"Aren't you going to ask what it feels like?" P asked me the other day. I suppose that should have been the first question I asked (especially when you actually like the people your friends are marrying, and in this case I love them both) but I never go straight to the point. In any case, before I could finish saying "I was getting there" he told me. He hadn't expected it to make such a big difference, but it did. Enormous, and subtle too. D spoke of "waves of joy."
And, P said, it's got him thinking in a new way about singleness, and the church's failure to acknowledge and value it. This struck me as a bit odd at the time - surely he's known many many single people over the years, many of his friends were and are single - but as I've thought it over it sort of makes sense. In the ages before it was a possibility to get married, all gay people in the church were in a kind of limbo (even in churches where gay people didn't have to pretend to be single). The church recognized partnerships no more than did the state, so everyone was de facto single - at least no institution had recognized anyone's movements beyond that. You could make a commitment to another person but to the church it was as if nothing had happened.
Now, with states (a few) and churches (a few) licensing and blessing gay unions, new possibilities open up. Not just the possibility publicly and before God to declare your love and make your commitment to a partner - the obvious (and wonderful!) one. But also - I think this must be what P was getting at - in some analogous way the possibility of asserting and receiving recognition for status as single. Not single-by-default. Not single-because-we-recognize-no-commitment-you-could-make. Definitely not single-nudge-nudge-wink-wink. But single-by-choice. Single before God and man. It's an interesting thought, like and unlike the vows of celibacy which some have seen as the only Christian alternatives to marriage...
But this is your day, Peter and David. Congratulations and much love!
