Sartorial advice

You've heard me describe the different cultures, lingos and values of faculty and student affairs professionals. I encountered an interesting reminder of the difference in a committee meeting on faculty advising yesterday. A proposal we were considering, invoking a book called Making the Most of College, started: "Advisers help students derive the maximum educational and personal benefits from their undergraduate experience. A faculty adviser facilitates this outcome through knowledge of institutional resources ... of curriculum offered and support services, clarification of policies and procedures ... etc., etc." A sociologist on the committee asked if we didn't want something more philosophical as a start, something about the liberal arts education ideal of student-directed learning and citizenship, and I tried to strengthen his case by saying: "The language we have now makes us sound like personal shoppers at Bloomingdales!"

Should you not know what personal shoppers do:

Quite simply, our personal shoppers save you time. They'll pre-shop the store for you, then present an array of items for your review in a private setting at our store. However you choose to shop, our consultants are here for your convenience, to make your life a little less hectic.

• They'll assist you in selecting the perfect gift for any occasion and any recipient - providing you the gift of time.
• They'll shop the full store, from clothing to home and much more to insure they address all your needs - whether it's for yourself or something for your family or friends.
• They'll identify your style preferences and select items tailored to your personal taste.
• They'll suggest the most appropriate merchandise for any occasion, and will keep you abreast of the latest trends, in-store events and, of course, what's on sale.
• They'll coordinate everything from alterations to gift wrapping, and they'll organize the delivery or shipment of your purchases.
• They'll work with your schedule and budget.

But the punch line is what my friend, the director of advising, said. "Aren't you basically personal shoppers?" He asked this with such a deadpan that I still don't know how many layers of irony were beneath it.